[ Cellphone vibrates ] -Hello? -[ Falsetto voice ] Liz, it’s
Becky, your college roommate. -I’m sorry. Who? -[ Normal voice ] Liz Lemon, you’re already treating me
with more respect. -Oh, God, Tracy. -You wait till I test
this noise out on society. Minds will be blown! -No. No society.
Do not go outside. Do not let Jack Donaghy see you. Tracis, listen to me. Oh, boy. This pill’s damn strong.
-You can’t fix this, Liz Lemon. It’s about race.
It’s about being a woman. It’s about money.
It’s about being on TV. And no one understands all that. -Hello. -I’m gonna call you back. I’m snitting next to Borpo. ♪♪ Oh, Portland’s got
a fun little waterfront. [ Sniffs ] -Do you mind if I close
this window shade? -I’m trying to adopt a baby, but
my job is making it impossible because my work self is
suffocating my life me. I’m Liz Lemon, and I lost
my virginity at 25. I saw the show about
following your fear, and it inspired me
to wear shorts to work. It didn’t go great. Do you know Tracy Jordan? I took a pill earlier, but… I didn’t get my September issue
of O Magazine. Do you have the number
for subscriptions? [ Laughs ]
Why would you? That’s blagh! I eat emotionally. And one time at summer camp,
I kissed a girl on a dare, but then she drowned. And here comes some more stuff. I hate my feet. And once I had a sex dream
about Nate Berkus, but halfway through,
he turned into Dr. Oz. Has that ever happened to you? A hug. This is happening. -It’s alright, Liz.
It’s alright. Uh, I’m OK. Please stay close. Uh, can you keep your hands
outside my clothes? -Okay.
-Good. A lot of us women
eat emotionally, Liz, and while we’re not always
in control of our feelings, we do control
the decisions we make. -I know. Of course. -Now, you say that
you want a child. And yet you let Jenna and Tracy
fill that role in your life. Maybe you’re afraid of
taking that next step. -Oh, my God. That’s it. -Now that we’ve leveled off, I think they’re gonna serve us
a little snack. -So true. So wise. -You know, when you say that
to everything, it makes me feel like
you’re not listening. -Sorry. -Here. Try this. It’s wonderful. Salt water taffy
from Rhode Island. -Wow. Is this one of
your favorite things? -Oh, yes, and I have so many
wonderful favorite things this year — sweater capes,
calypso music, paisley tops, Chinese checkers, high-heeled flip-flops
that lift up your butt and give you a workout,
and you, Liz Lemon. Too many women are wearing
themselves too thin these days. And what suffers
because of that? -Your bowel movements.
-Your personal life. -Personal life, yes. -I want to help you.
What can I do? -Oh, my God, would you say,
“please welcome Liz Lemon”? -No.
But here is what I will do. While I’m in New York,
if you want, I can stop by and I can talk to
Tracy and Jenna. Solve that little problem
for ya. So you can concentrate
on Liz for once. -Oh, you are the best person
in the whole world. [ Snoring ]