The Best of Tracy Jordan and Denise Richards – 30 Rock


-Excellence can come
from anywhere. -It’s the same with stupidity. In this country, anyone could be
the next Jack Donaghy or the next Denise Richards. [ Elevator bell dings ] -This room…is moving. [ Elevator bell dings ] -“The man we know
is not capable of hate. He’s just an idiot who doesn’t
know what he’s saying.” -Did you just call me an idiot
on this TV? -Yeah, but —
[ Glass shatters ] -I’m gonna do
exactly what they did and organize a protest
of this network. -A protest by whom?
-By idiots! -Tracy has organized a protest
of NBC by his fellow idiots. -He what?
No, no, no, no, no. We need idiots. You…certainly need idiots. Who do you think
is watching your show? -Funky tastemakers? -Black nerds, JetBlue passengers
who fall asleep with the TV on, pets whose owners have died,
and, uh, idiots. You need to fix this. -We are legion.
We are America. Frat guys, deejays, loudmouth old bitches,
investment bankers, the tramp-stamped, Parrot Heads,
anti-vaccination crusaders, and people who won’t shut up
about scuba diving. -It’s a whole nother world
down there. -And our celebrity spokesperson,
actress Denise Richards. [ Crowd cheering ] -That’s right. I’m an idiot.
Surprised? -The National Association
for Zero Intolerance, or NAZI — We should change that.
-It’s fine. -We are outraged that
the American bigot Liz Lemon has made no effort
to reach out to us. -Tracy, are you kidding me? I have been calling your cell
all day. -My ringtone
is “The Chicken Dance.” If I answer it,
I won’t hear the whole song. Hi. This is Tracy’s cellphone. Dot Com, hold
the steering wheel. I got to leave
my outgoing message. [ Bang ]
What’d I just hit? Was that a person?
Is that fatal blood? Dot Com, this did not happen! We take this to our grave!
[ Beep ] Is there anything
you would like to add? -These microphones look like
black ice cream cones. -Thank you all for coming out. -And idiots can do anything
we put our minds to. I played a “nuc-u-lar”
psychiatrist in a James Bonk movie. -Look, what do I need to do
to make this go away? -I want you to call my phone so I can hear
“The Chicken Dance” again. -And I want the video
for my new single to play on “TGS” this week. [ Singing in French ] ♪ Towels, sunscreen,
bathing suits ♪ ♪ Diving boards and towels ♪ ♪ Those ladders, towels ♪ -Can you make it
16 minutes long? We’re short this week.
-[ Sighs ] I’ll try to cut it down. -You know what you people
have given the world? “Girls Gone Wild.” [ Cheering ] The Golden Globes. Cans that tell you
how cold beer is. Florida. Bratz dolls. -Oh, I get it.
She’s naming awesome things. -No, listen to me. Because of you, there may be
an “Entourage” movie. -Hug it off, ma’am!
[ All chanting “Turtle!” ] -Oh, God, I’m such an idiot. [ Cheering ] -Want to make out? -No, thank you.

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